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Personal-Character.CharacterTesting.comThere is one place online you can have your character strengths identified for you, and you are one click away from finding it.Solving Conflicts LLC Presents: |
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Pure Gold: "Engaging, wise, and chock full of ideas ~ Paul Coleman, Psy. D., author of "How to Say It for Couples: Communicating with Tenderness, Openness, and Honesty" |
Can We Dance? “After reading this book, I have a new-found appreciation for the importance of really exploring myself to know what character qualities I need my mate to possess.” “I love the combination of information, reflection, and interaction with the arts. This approach is present, reflective and emotionally, spiritually provocative.” “Can We Dance? helped me to examine my beliefs, clarify my motivations, and analyze every step from friendship to a serious relationship. It is full of great tools that are both fun and immediately useful.” |
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Chapter Eighteen How can young people, or singles of any age, benefit from Solving Conflicts in the selection of their friends, whom they date, or whom they choose for a life partner? If you look to those who have already traveled the marriage road and failed, you may not like what you see. You may be so shocked and horrified that you decide never to get married. In 1850, the great poet, Alfred Lord Tennyson, first penned these famous words:
There is no question about it ...marriage is a high-risk adventure. Has the risk of marriage become too great? Indeed, some may argue the risk has become a burden far too great to carry. They may argue the benefits simply do not outweigh the risks. Can the risk be reduced to only a financial risk involving alimony, child support payments, and lost property? It is our contention the financial risks pale in comparison to the emotional devastation that rips entire families and entire generations apart when divorce occurs. Yet it is also our contention that marriage, the timeless institution known for as long as people begat people, is an institution that is alive and well. It is not the institution of marriage that has failed people; it is people that have failed to honor the institution of marriage. Solving Conflicts also respects the rights of those who would choose to remain single for whatever reason they may wish. We do not want to appear for even a moment that we are saying in order to find happiness you must be married. Indeed, if you do not find happiness as an individual person, it would be our contention that you would have nothing to bring with you of value into a marriage relationship. One miserable person plus one miserable person does not equal two happy people. Certainly, there is a great deal to be said about the benefits of remaining single. The simple fact that a single person does not have to be cumbered down with the cares of navigating in a relationship is a valid argument. A single person also can devote their time to a great many worthwhile causes without burdening a marriage partner. However, the rest of this chapter has the view that eventually most of us tend to want a marriage/life partner. As we anticipate who that person might be, we desire it to be someone who respects us, who loves us, who we can share with, who we can be faithful and loyal to, who will also be faithful and loyal to us, who we can respect and appreciate, and who we can enjoy life with together in happiness. Perhaps you have never been married. Perhaps you have been married and are now single. Perhaps you have abandoned the thought of getting married; however, a spark yet remains in your heart if only you could find the right person. If only! One thing is certain. You have the choice to become the right person. You can do that by building your character to be well balanced and genuine. If you want to find the best friend in the whole world, you start by becoming the best friend in the world. You do it one good choice at a time. You can learn to be the type of person you would like to have for a best friend. Dr. Tony Campolo, professor emeritus of Sociology at Eastern University, in Pennsylvania, and notable media commentator on religious, social, and political matters, in a talk he gave entitled, "If I Had It to Live Over Again", offers some valuable insight into the risk involved in relationships. The talk was based upon a study of 50 people over the age of 95 years old. One of the things learned from this study was that looking back on their life, these seniors believed that if they could live life all over again, they would take more risks. Among the things Campolo states in his talk was "you cannot have friends if you don't take risks." He goes on to point out "if you are afraid of rejection, you will never have friends." |